A Guide to Speak Romance Like Generation Z: 51 Ultra-Specific Terms for Romance, Intimacy and Questionable Conduct

The current year represents a ten-year milestone since the word “vanishing” entered the mainstream. Initially, the notion that someone could instantly end communication with a lover without explanation seemed like the peak of rudeness. How naive we were. In the ten-year span since, seeking a significant other has only become more perplexing – an frequently pointless exercise in humiliation that is increasingly pigeonholed by social media lingo.

Zoomers, a cohort who came of age during a loneliness epidemic, a masculinity crisis, and a coordinated attack on the rights of females and the queer community, faces a significantly more chaotic landscape than their millennial elders could ever fathom. And so their romantic vocabulary has grown longer and more deranged, with expressions like “Ogre-ing” and “vine swinging” pushing the limits of your mental fortitude.

What follows is a extensive glossary to the phrases Zoomers is using to navigate romance, sex and the quest of both. To echo one of the year’s most popular online sayings, by the end of this list you’ll yearn to get back to a bygone era – because where that is, it is free from “wokefishing”.

A

Genuineness – For Zoomers, romance's gold standard is showing up as your true, raw self. Good luck with that!

B

Bird theory – A online phenomenon connected to a methodology developed by couples researchers, in which you bring up something minor – for example, “A bird flew by earlier” – and observe whether your date's response is inquisitive or brushed off. If they aren't interested to hear more about the bird, you two are doomed.

Mysterious girlfriend – Gen Z’s response to the “quirky fantasy girl” trope of the early 2000s – but rather than having baby bangs, liking indie music and eschewing commitment, the mysterious partner focuses on her own needs while radiating enigma and self-sufficiency. (She could possibly have baby bangs.)

C

Support test – This means choosing someone who supports you unprompted. If you walked into a room, they would get a chair for you to take a load off.

Task-based bonding – A meet-up where two people bond while handling tasks, such as walking the dog or food shopping. In other words, how broke twentysomethings do low-cost dating in a inflation-era world.

Melting down – Losing it when you feel swamped by life. You can spiral over a infatuation or split, dumping all of your (unrequited) feelings.

The Letter D

Dink – Double income, no kids. Once a symbol of 80s young urban professional affluence, it describes couples who opt out of having children to prioritize their own well-being. Or because they find it financially impossible to become parents.

The Letter E

Vulnerable signaling – The opposite of playing it cool: embracing dialogue, honesty and openness.

F

Indicators

• Danger signals – Behavioral traits indicating a potential partner is bad news. For instance calling their exes crazy, subpar gratuity habits, a love of Woody Allen films, a nascent DJ career …
• Positive signs – These quirks confirm your decision to date a partner. Such as checking in to make sure you got home safely after a date, minimal screen time, having a bed frame …
• Beige flags – These usually describe niche, mostly inoffensive idiosyncrasies. For instance being an enthusiastic birdwatcher, still carrying around a pen in their wallet, paying the rent in cash …

Shared obsession pairing – When you meet someone who’s just as enthusiastic about films about the second world war or DVD collecting or collaging or whatever it may be, as you. Or, on the flip side, meeting someone who loathes the same things or individuals that you do (nothing fosters intimacy faster than sharing a common enemy).

The Letter G

Geese – A musical group a typical Zoomer guy is into.

Zombie-ing – Someone who reappears into your life after a period of disappearing.

Golden retriever boyfriend – Someone who is friendly, eager to please and loyal. The rare boyfriend who is beloved by all of his significant other's friends, and a black cat girlfriend's foil.

Prolonged session enthusiasts – A mostly online community of men so obsessed with masturbation that they attempt lengthy sessions, intentionally delaying climax so they can continue as long as possible.

The Letter H

Pessimistic straight dating – A mindset describing many women's increasing pessimism toward heterosexual relationships. It will come as no surprise to anyone who read the previous entry.

Traditional ideal woman – An ideal championed by manosphere figures: a woman who is sexually desirable, ever-comforting and happily domestic, who seemingly has no aspirations of her own other than pleasing her man partner. Maybe now you’re beginning to understand the whole “pessimism” thing better?

The Letter I

Turn-offs – Random and usually everyday turnoffs that instantly kill any sense of attraction.

“If he wanted to, he would" – Something to remember after you watch someone else receive an extremely thoughtful display.

J

Jobs – These have not been this important in the romance landscape since the Wall Street era. For some women, a “man in finance” is the ideal catch: a fleece-vest-wearing, Republican-coded guy who will be a provider (there’s a hit TikTok song on the topic). Meanwhile the left-leaning crowd opt for partners in sectors they perceive as being staffed by the more caring among us: nurses, teachers or therapists.

K

Locking lips – This year, researchers learned that kissing has been around for 16m years. But the days of locking lips may be limited since some gen Z desire fewer intimate scenes in movies, as they are having reduced intimacy themselves and do not find cinematic romance believable.

Kittenfishing – Mild deception. Or, not exactly being dishonest about who you are, but maybe using outdated (better) photos of yourself on a dating app profile, or making your job sound more prestigious than it is. Also known as {